Saturday, January 31, 2015

Sleepless

An 8AM meeting with my grad school mentor, and what am I doing? Well, more what state am I in - sleepless. I want to create. That's all that's coming up right now, perhaps it has something to do with today's, well February 1st's, Google Doodle.

 

Beautiful, simple, and of course, incredibly eloquent, straight-to-the-heart words from Langston, himself. I don't know enough about Langston Hughes, beyond the glimpses of his importance in my K-12 schooling, but perhaps it's time to become more than just acquainted. 

With the desire to create, soon follows is an overwhelming ache to hide. In any given hour, I can flip between the extremes of wanting to strut like a bejeweled peacock to pulling myself deep into my turtle shell. Earliest memories of this is captured in a picture - bright-eyed, happily laughing 4 year old at the head of the table with grandpa surrounded by the adults of the family, immediately followed by the uncaptured moment where I cried in the backyard, not knowing exactly why I was in that state. 

Social anxiety at age 4? Possible. 

Whatever the case, here I am again - giving this vulnerability into the unknown thing a try for the millionth time. Give me strength, fiercely vulnerables of the world. (Yes, I've created a noun where a noun doesn't exist.)