Friday, February 27, 2015

Death of an Expectation

I must pat myself on the back, I'm getting better at killing expectations. That's not to say the little mofo doesn't pop up for a quick instant, but the more balanced I become, the better I am at keeping these at bay.

*deep breath*

Here I am, just a bit lighter of baggage that I don't need to hold onto.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Unrequited Love

With the feral diaper-clad baby's day coming up, now seems to be an appropriate time to get this shit out of my system.

I've only known unrequited love. I've dated, I've been asked to be someone's boo, but more often than not, I'm on the side of longing for someone who would not, could not, whatever not return my affections. With my current crush, my therapist says I can't force him to love me. And that if it were something substantial, I'd know. Although the first part is new to me, or at least new in the sense that I'm finally ready to hear it, the latter I've heard a million iterations of since I was 7-8.

Yes, I've been crushing on the opposite sex (and on a few occasions, same sex) for over 2 decades.

I've wanted romantic love in my life so badly and for so damned long. Why? To validate my loveliness, lovability, love whatever perhaps.

The response to my unrequited love is always the same - love myself first and foremost. Accept myself. The time will come. This is difficult to accept, but shit, better that than being stuck in something I thought I wanted.

Deep breath, homegirl. You've got this.