Friday, August 7, 2015

Anxious kid

I was an anxious kid and now, an anxious adult.

At 4, I cried immediately after being in front of an audience of family members and familiar guests. Why? Because all eyes were on me. Could it be that a 4 year old thought she was being judged by everyone at that table? I have no idea. There's a photo that captures the cheerful moment and a burned memory of crying in the backyard from all of the attention.

As a teenager, I feared going into the cafeteria at work. Someone else had to be with me, or I would go before the rush or after when there were a few stragglers left. My mentor at the time said that no one was looking at me. But, the very thought of people glancing over, however brief, terrified me.

As a late 20's adult, when I tell stories in front of people near and dear or co-workers, my face flushes. Fear of judgment? Still not quite sure.

The attention scares me.

But, I gotta get used to this.

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